There’s a certain friend of mine whom I am really close with. I’ve known her for about eight years now. We have been through quite a bit together. A few of those eight years, we grew very distant and hardly ever talked (there was even a point when we didn’t talk at all) for various reasons. The main/huge reason we became distant and stopped talking is me. 

I have wronged many friends, but more than anyone, I think I have wronged her the most. There are periods in our friendship in which I was an absolutely awful friend. She can easily attest to that, although, I’d rather her not :b I had a friend who treated me like I treated her, so I know exactly how terrible she must feel.

I am extremely disappointed in and ashamed of the person I was during some portions of my life. I can’t even begin to understand why I did some of those things I did, and I am not sure I ever will. I wish I could go back in time to slap some sense into me. 

I know I am her best friend, but sometimes I question how best of friends we really are. I constantly wonder what our friendship would be like had I not made the mistakes I made. Would it be better or worse? Of course, I am leaning more towards better but who knows. I feel like because of what I have done and how I have made her feel, she keeps her self at arms length with me. If she does, I don’t blame her. I am just grateful she decided to stick around.

I know how awful of a person I was, and I know there’s nothing I can do to change the past. The only thing I can do is change who I am now and in the future. First things first, I must forgive myself for the mistakes I made. If she can find it in her heart to forgive me, then I can too!